If any of you have ever bought a piece of
property, a new house or even renting a new apartment, I am sure you know what
it's like to move in to someone else's space. It’s been six weeks since we
moved in full time and it has been a busy time on the farm. Frankly, some days
I feel like my back is sending me messages that “I am too old for this” farm
life. I do let it get me down at times, (insert tears) and it’s not that I am
too old, my body is damaged. Fibromyalgia takes its toll as well as the
arthritis in my hands and some days the pain is too much to bear. I finally
figured out that it is just fine to take a break some days. As a yogini and a
person who practises meditation, (albeit, not lately…more on that later), I have
learned over the years that one must always take time to pause. The reality of it is, as humans we rarely do that. We have so much going on here at the farm,
that I tend to get a wee overwhelmed with all that needs to be done. Taking a
day or two or even three was out of the question, how can I possibly do that? (Flails)...
A very wise friend told me once that “It doesn’t
all have to be done today” Seems simple enough yes? Well, I’ll tell you it’s a
learned talent to relax and let the verse take control. I used to tell my
students this in every class…perhaps it’s time to listen to my inner yogi, though she
seems to be on an extended leave of absence these days. It’s time to reconnect
with her now!
In about
5 to 7 weeks we will be starting our renovation. ALL the major things are
getting done, roof, floors, kitchen and painting the outside of the house
(which we are doing ourselves). Can you feel me? All the people, all the noise
and all the chaos will begin at the same time. For a HSP like me….this will
be a true test of my coping skills. I must remember to simply pause, breathe
and be aware. I live in one of the most beautiful areas in this state and am surrounded by
peace and beauty (except for the annoying biting insects) that taking time for
a walk in nature, and spending some quiet time alone to just breathe should be top on my to do list! It is
time now!
My truth: I am suffering from what I can
only ascertain as a type of situational depression. I find myself irritable,
emotional, fatigued and downright craptastic. You would think when you finally
get everything that you have ever wanted, you would be deliriously happy all
the days….well…that’s a myth. Yes, it sucks and without a big support system in
place, (except my poor husband, bless him) I seem to have found my own private
hell inside my head. All the crying, all the physical pain has just been exacerbated
tenfold over the last couple of weeks, trying to quit smoking on top of
everything isn’t helping either…
Have no fear…I will survive this too. I have
survived worse in my life. Just because one is older and wiser does not guarantee
a smooth ride through even the simplest of times. This morning I decided to
elevate my level of awareness as to what I am feeling instead of numbing myself
to the negative. It’s time to get back to the mat…breathe…reconnect with me. I’m
not saying this will be easy or that I’m even looking forward to it…it is what
it is. Showing up is half the battle.
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| I wake up to this every day It's time to show up |
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